As a sub, how to Handle Uncomfortable Rules in D/s Dynamics?

When a Rule Feels Wrong: A Sub’s Doubts About Her Dynamic

Being in a Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship can be intense and fulfilling, but sometimes, one small moment can throw everything off.

This is where it all inspired me to write this:

Here’s how to work through a similar situation when your submissive role doesn’t feel right anymore.

Why the Rule Feels Off

At first, the rule that the sub can’t pleasure herself might seem harmless. After all, it’s just one part of their dynamic, right? But when the Dom casually mentions that he masturbates, while she’s not allowed to, it can feel a little unfair.

It’s not about the rule itself, it’s more about how the rule was explained. If the reasoning behind it feels empty or dismissive, it’s natural to start questioning things.

Key Points:

• The rule itself: The “no self-pleasure” rule might seem straightforward.
• The issue: The lack of communication about why the rule is in place can feel dismissive.
• The feeling: It’s about questioning fairness when one partner is held to a rule while the other is exempt.

What’s Really Happening?

In a D/s relationship, both the Dominant and the submissive agree on rules and boundaries that should make sense for both people. But sometimes, one-sided or unclear rules can make things feel uncomfortable.

When something doesn’t sit right, it doesn’t necessarily mean the entire dynamic is wrong. It could be a sign that communication is missing, or that the rule needs a bit of tweaking.

Here’s what might be going on:

• Lack of communication: Clear reasoning behind rules is vital.
• Feeling excluded: The submissive may feel like there’s an unfair power imbalance.
• Lack of mutual respect: A relationship thrives when both partners' needs are respected.

When the Dom says something like, “Because I’m in charge and you’re not,” it can feel frustrating, and it’s okay to want more than just a simple “because I said so.” A healthy D/s relationship should involve clear communication and mutual respect, even when there’s a power exchange.

What to Do Next: Start the Conversation

This doesn’t have to be a breaking point in your relationship, but it does mean it’s time for a conversation. Relationships, especially D/s ones, are built on understanding and trust. It’s okay to speak up when something doesn’t feel right.

Steps to Take:

1. Reflect: Take some time to think about what is bothering you.Is it the fairness of the rule?Do you need to feel more emotionally connected and valued in the dynamic?
2. Is it the fairness of the rule?
3. Do you need to feel more emotionally connected and valued in the dynamic?
4. Talk to Your Dom: Share how you feel about the rule. Let them know why it upset you and explain how you feel about the imbalance.Be open: Explain the emotions it triggered and the reason why it feels off.Seek understanding: Ask for clarification and whether there's room for renegotiation.
5. Be open: Explain the emotions it triggered and the reason why it feels off.
6. Seek understanding: Ask for clarification and whether there's room for renegotiation.
7. Listen: Be open to hearing your Dom’s perspective and the reasons behind the rule. They might not have realized how it affected you.

It’s Not "Necessarily" the End, It May Just Be a Bump

Sometimes, a small issue can turn into a big one if it’s not addressed, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of your dynamic. Every relationship, kink-based or not, goes through bumps. What matters most is how you handle them.

How to Handle Bumps:

• Talk it out: Open, honest communication is key.
• Stay calm: Approach the conversation with a clear mind.
• Adjust as needed: Your D/s dynamic is not set in stone. It can evolve.

Just like how your submission is important to you, his role as your Dom matters too. Having a conversation where both of you listen can strengthen your bond. If you’re both willing to talk it out and adjust as needed, your relationship can come out even stronger.

How to Keep the Dynamic Healthy?

If you feel unsure about a rule or dynamic in your D/s relationship, that’s perfectly okay. The most important thing is to communicate openly and honestly. Being a good partner doesn’t just mean following the rules, it’s about making sure both of you feel comfortable, heard, and valued.

Key Takeaways:

• Healthy dynamics require ongoing communication: This ensures both partners are comfortable and heard.
• Don’t be afraid to speak up: If a rule doesn’t sit right, you have every right to voice your concerns.
• Renegotiation is normal: D/s relationships evolve, and renegotiating rules can strengthen the bond.

When both sides are willing to listen and adjust as needed, you’ll come out stronger, no matter what bumps you hit along the way.